Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Reflections before surgery

By the time this posts, I will be in surgery.  My family, Kate and her parents are all sitting in the waiting room. 
I am a guy so talking about my feelings isn’t necessarily my best skill, and I’m sure Kate would tell you that I stink at it.  Donating an organ is not something you can really ever prepare yourself for.   I can’t really think of any other circumstances that really compares that you do on a regular basis that you can say, you know what it will probably be just like that.  So it is all new territory.   Especially for someone who has spent very little time in the hospital. 
It does however give you a new perspective on what people have to go through, and makes you appreciate your health a lot more.
The other thing you never really prepare for in this situation is how hard this is on your family.  I guess you kind of get caught up in the fact that you are doing a good thing, and it is stressful on you. But for your family human nature takes over and you just tend to think the worst.  Even though there is a less than 1 percent chance I will die, that is immediately what you think of when you think something might go wrong.  You don’t consider that they might open me up and decide it is too risky and stop the surgery, or that they take the kidney and it doesn’t take for Ashley.  You think one of two things, this will go well, or I won’t make it out of it, not sure how the human mind works that way, but it makes it very difficult.
I guess the reason I am writing this I need my family to know that I didn’t go into this thinking what can I do to make their life’s harder.  Also they need to know that I couldn’t have gone through this process without their support, it wouldn’t have been possible.  I can only hope that this process while difficult can help to bring our family closer together (not that it wasn’t close before) but to give us a perspective of how important we are to each other (this also wasn’t anything I thought about when deciding to do this, but the day before it seems a lesson I have begun to learn).
I want to take this Blog to thank my Mom and Dad for always being supportive in whatever crazy decisions I have made throughout my life, and I know there has been more than the average kids share.  I am thankful for how they raised me, and the man they have helped me become.  There are so many memories that it just doesn’t seem like this is the forum to go through them all so I won’t but I just wanted to say thank you.  I am also thankful for my brother and the support he has given me through this, and for me having a little brother has always made me strive to be a better example for him (even though I have failed a lot) and made me realize there are a lot of times when he can be the example I need to follow.
I also want to thank the Merrell family for all their support I know you hear a lot of jokes about in-laws but I feel pretty lucky about mine. 
Last but not Least thanks to all of our friends and all the prayers and support you have thrown our way, they have been felt, and God has answered so many prayers that I can’t even begin to explain or tell you about.  There is no way I could have gotten through this without all of you.
For those of you that I don’t know but have been following the blog and all of Ashley’s friends I look forward to meeting you, hopefully we will have a meet and greet after the surgery, and I just hope that in some way this story has meant something to you, I know it is about so much more than Ashley and me and Kate.  It is such a big story, and is very humbling to be a part of it.
Remember to keep track of the blog Kate will be updating the details.

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