Friday, February 10, 2012

Writer's Block

Or is it bloggers block, or am I giving myself too much credit for calling myself either of those things.  I had really paced myself for the surgery to be on Feb 14th, today I was supposed to be at UNC going through the pre-op so I would have something to write about.  Well instead I am sitting on my couch waiting to go to our Thursday night bible study.  Sorry to report there is nothing new to report.  As Tom Petty would say “the waiting is the hardest part   
Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; Be strong,
and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord."
Since I have been overruled by Kate on taking a skiing trip between the pre-op and the surgery I need all of you guys to help me come up with an idea (maybe hang gliding or bull riding) for the weekend before the surgery.  I am going to get antsy just sitting around so I need something to keep my mind occupied.  So please put your best ideas in the comments section (this is just a shameless plug to get some comments).  I figure some of you are way more familiar with the area than I am so even just things to do around Chapel Hill will be very helpful. 
Today Kate and I had an interview with a writer for her college paper.  Kate and Ashley decided to let them know what we were doing and see if they had any interest in writing about it, so they interviewed Ashley the other day and Kate and I today.  It was a good conversation, she got a lot of the information she needed from the Blog so that cut the questions probably at least in half. She asked one question that I still haven’t really come up with an answer for, it is one of those things that will probably bother me for the rest of the day.
She asked what question do I wish people would ask me when talking about donating a kidney?  I’m not sure; I don’t feel like a lot of people understand how my faith plays into the donation so I wouldn’t mind being asked about that.   I also think most people think I am doing it for Kate, they always ask who I am donating too, and I say my wife’s best friend from college.  I get a lot of comments like you really must love your wife, or your wife will have to do whatever you ask for the rest of your marriage (and some comments worse than that).  It makes me sad to see how people look at marriage. It really explains why the divorce rate is so high.  I wish more people could see marriage as a blessing that allows you to grow as a person and closer to God, not a chance to take advantage of another person for your own selfish needs.
The other thing that I have been trying to figure out the answer to is how does life go on after this?  I am sure I will blog about this after the surgery and when my life gets back into the normal swing of things.  I just imagine it is going to be hard to be too concerned about building a server, or unlocking a file after an experience like this.  I touched on it briefly before but this whole process gives you a completely different perspective on what is important in life (it turns the volume down on things that aren’t important).
She is going to send the story to the local paper in both Sanford (where Ashley is) and West Palm Beach so maybe it will make the local paper.   We will be famous, or at least used to start a fire.


  1. I have been peeking in here, daily, quietly, listening to you both, at times angry (at the "system" and for Ashley and for the two of you who have put so many things on hold in this long process).

    Today, all I feel is extraordinary relief, for Ashley and her family though I don't really know them except through the virtual world, and for you and your family and your future family.

    I admire your faith though I do not share it. I am of a different faith and one which questions relentlessly. Yet what I see and read is an awareness of how interconnected we all are and must be if we are to strengthen the world we bequeath to our children and to everyone's children.

    As to what comes after? You and Kate and Ashley will find that out; I hope for all of you it will be a continuing sense of what is essential, of making a difference in one life as being the cornerstone of making a difference in many lives, of marriage - as you say - being about giving and sharing and not for one's own selfish needs which does not mean that self-interest isn't an important part of the puzzle.

    Self-interest means keeping you intact and whole for Kate, and likewise, Kate for you, and I hope - for the two of you - a family in the years to come. I dare say if there were more adults like you, there would be more children raised with a sense of what is right, with lack of judgment for those who are different, and more able to sustain a world that seems so fractured at times that we cannot go on, we cannot believe in anything, we are dwarfed by our burdens.

    You give me hope. Ashley gives me hope. And a glimmer of hope is no small thing.

  2. My hope is to be able to meet you when you come to NC. Reading your blog has bruised my toes many times over but God's word wasn't meant to be a guide to making life easy. Your faith astounds me and encourages me to seek to strengthen mine. It is refreshing to hear you speak of marriage and how it is really meant to work. AMEN, my husband and I share the same view.

    Thank you for so many things...for sharing your faith, your journey through donation, for donating to continue the life of one incredible, spunky lady, and for opening up your hearts and lives as a couple so others may see how marriage is meant to be - a working partnership, selfless and loving.

    1. Thank you both for your kind words they are very much appreciated, it is exciting to have people reading that I have never met. The purpose of this blog was to give people some insight on what it is like to be a kidney donor and some of the process. It also was to communicate that this is about so much more than just donating a kidney, and that the glory for this is directed to the correct place. I look forward to meeting people who have been reading when we are hopefully in UNC next week.